Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
