New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
