are you so shy because you have an std?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
