it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
