My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
