Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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