ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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