wrigley field is MILF paradise
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
