Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
