is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
