so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
