She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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