In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
