I hate your face
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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