It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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