I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
