I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
