This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
