My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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