you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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