He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
