if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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