Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
