i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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