hell yes lets make some ravioli
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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