it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the day after is always just damage control
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
