Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
