Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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