Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
