Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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