If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
