you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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