Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
