so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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