Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
