she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
