oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
