jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
