the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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