we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
