She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
