The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
