There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
