arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
