I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
