I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
