I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
