listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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