I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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