Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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