she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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